A reader request regarding wedding gift etiquette:
If you are invited to a wedding but do not attend the wedding/reception, should you send a gift?
Showing posts with label etiquette. Show all posts
Showing posts with label etiquette. Show all posts
Phrasing
When I was growing up there were certain things young ladies didn't do: pee, puke, poop. They either used the bathroom or had to be sick (or throw up, under dire circumstances). It seems that these restrictions no longer apply since I hear girls saying these things all the time. Were you allowed to use these words when you were young? Do/will you let your kids use them?
Reader Request: Wine Hostess Gifts
Time for a Reader Request!
If you are hosting something at your house, and a guest brings you a bottle of wine as a host/hostess gift, what do you do with it? Is it proper to serve it that evening? Or save it for another time?
I never know what to do!
Thoughts from the crowd? Which option do you go with?
If you are hosting something at your house, and a guest brings you a bottle of wine as a host/hostess gift, what do you do with it? Is it proper to serve it that evening? Or save it for another time?
I never know what to do!
Thoughts from the crowd? Which option do you go with?
Olympic Etiquette
The Winter Olympics are upon us, eh? Even if you aren't headed up to Canada to parktake in the festivities, Rick Reilly's article on the do's and don'ts of Vancouver is worth a read!
The Art of the Thank You Note
With the holidays passing by, my list of thank you notes to be written is methodically being attended to. I am a big believer in the handwritten thank you note, even if it is preceded by an email or phone thank you.
Someone sent me this article from the Wall Street Journal today, which is worth a read. I appreciate Parker's sentiment: "The thought behind the thank-you should be equal or greater than the thought that went into the gift."
Someone sent me this article from the Wall Street Journal today, which is worth a read. I appreciate Parker's sentiment: "The thought behind the thank-you should be equal or greater than the thought that went into the gift."
Ancient Etiquette
While reading Madness Under the Royal Palms by Laurence Leamer (very good, by the way) I came across a reference to the practice of crossing out one's name on stationery. I had a vague recollection of this but couldn't put my finger on the reason for it. After a bit of research I found that it is an old custom demonstrating to close friends and family that you, and not your social secretary, wrote the note. While a lady may be "Mrs. Charles Smith" on her stationery, she may also be "Aunt Poodie" to her niece, in which case she would strike a line through her formal name and sign Love, Aunt Poodie.
So my question is this: When does tradition become silly? (Or in this case pretentious, unless you do have an actual social secretary, in which case Congratulations!) And at this point if you are striking your name are you staying true to your upbringing or blindly following said tradition?
So my question is this: When does tradition become silly? (Or in this case pretentious, unless you do have an actual social secretary, in which case Congratulations!) And at this point if you are striking your name are you staying true to your upbringing or blindly following said tradition?
Wedding Wednesday: Diet Dilemma
Over the summer I was at a dinner party helping myself to a second piece of delicious coconut cake when the girl to my left pointedly asked how my wedding diet was going.
Um.
First of all, how rude is that?
Second of all, I did not plan to diet. I always said that I wouldn't be the girl who stopped eating 12 months before her wedding in order to drop two sizes. Unfortunately, my metabolism seems to have hit that late 20's slow down right around the six month countdown mark. Interestingly, women everywhere (including at the doctor's office in Manhattan, where strangers don't interact!) have started whispering that you magically lose five pounds in the last few weeks before your wedding, even if you don't try! Can this possibly be true? Did this happen to any of you?
Regardless, I am hedging my bets and eating five small meals per day. However, if I run into that girl at any more dinner parties, I am going to eat three pieces of cake and tell her that I just lost those five pounds because of good genes.
Um.
First of all, how rude is that?
Second of all, I did not plan to diet. I always said that I wouldn't be the girl who stopped eating 12 months before her wedding in order to drop two sizes. Unfortunately, my metabolism seems to have hit that late 20's slow down right around the six month countdown mark. Interestingly, women everywhere (including at the doctor's office in Manhattan, where strangers don't interact!) have started whispering that you magically lose five pounds in the last few weeks before your wedding, even if you don't try! Can this possibly be true? Did this happen to any of you?
Regardless, I am hedging my bets and eating five small meals per day. However, if I run into that girl at any more dinner parties, I am going to eat three pieces of cake and tell her that I just lost those five pounds because of good genes.
Rant
Seriously...people need to keep their mouths shut when eating and chewing gum. Slap slap slapping away is not cute. It is not an appropriate way to declare that food is delicious. It is gross for those around the eater. And it brings up weird questions for the listener like, "why does that person have such an inordinate amount of saliva?"
It is just SO TACKY. UGH.
That is all. Is it Friday yet?
PS- I'm not a big fan of the slurping and utensil biting either.
PPS- Unfortunately I think I'm preaching to the choir here.
It is just SO TACKY. UGH.
That is all. Is it Friday yet?
PS- I'm not a big fan of the slurping and utensil biting either.
PPS- Unfortunately I think I'm preaching to the choir here.
Reader's Request: Couples Showers
A reader wrote in with the inquiry below:
When you are invited to a couples' shower (bridal, baby, etc), should your gift be double the cost/value of what you would usually spend for a shower of just ladies? Or, do you stick with the usual amount that you would spend, regardless of the number of attendees in your party?
What are your thoughts on the matter?
When you are invited to a couples' shower (bridal, baby, etc), should your gift be double the cost/value of what you would usually spend for a shower of just ladies? Or, do you stick with the usual amount that you would spend, regardless of the number of attendees in your party?
What are your thoughts on the matter?
Sleeping Over?
A lot of times, entertaining means not only hosting guests for a meal or a party, but hosting them in your home overnight or for a weekend. In these instances, making them feel comfortable and relaxed is of key importance.
What items do you put in your guest room and/or guest bath to make visitors to your home feel welcomed and thought-of? Or what items do you love seeing in others' guest rooms when you visit?
Stationery of the Week
While shopping for invitations to my birthday party, I came across Boatman Geller. With clean classic lines, the stationery can be pretty and feminine without being too fussy. To the left is an example that is a bit more on the no nonesense side, but their are plenty of options to fulfill the needs to the post college preppy girl who wants to be fun and whimsical while acknowledging the passage of time : ) Happy browsing! - LG
Dear Abby....
A reader sent this to us and we just had to share....
DEAR ABBY: A friend and I attended a bridal shower of a friend's daughter. After the young woman opened her gifts, we were escorted to another room where blank note cards were strewn on a coffee table, surrounded by envelopes and stamps. The hostess instructed us to write on these folded cards our names and what we had given the bride-to-be.
The hostess told us to write: "Dear Mary (using our own names, of course), Thank you for the nice afghan" (or whatever we had given), and place the card in one of the envelopes. We were then told to address and stamp the envelopes, but not to seal them so (I assume) the "too busy" bride-to-be could sign her name.
As I foolishly followed these ridiculous instructions, I was tempted to thank myself for the 30-minute drive I had made in each direction to purchase a gift, and the 45-minute drive I made to attend the shower.
How stupid are we going to feel when the "thank-yous," in our own handwriting, show up in the mail? My son says I should refuse the letter.
And do you want to know the "topper"? I asked the bride-to-be before leaving when her wedding was. Get this -- it's in two days. I am not even invited to the wedding!
What's wrong with this generation? Please shed some light on this. Thanks, Abby. I feel better now that I've vented -- stupid, but better. -- FEELING USED IN KANSAS
DEAR FEELING USED: Nothing is wrong with "this generation." What you have described is a family that never learned basic good manners. Rather than an "afghan" -- or whatever your gift was -- the bride-to-be would have been better served to have received a book on etiquette.
DEAR ABBY: A friend and I attended a bridal shower of a friend's daughter. After the young woman opened her gifts, we were escorted to another room where blank note cards were strewn on a coffee table, surrounded by envelopes and stamps. The hostess instructed us to write on these folded cards our names and what we had given the bride-to-be.
The hostess told us to write: "Dear Mary (using our own names, of course), Thank you for the nice afghan" (or whatever we had given), and place the card in one of the envelopes. We were then told to address and stamp the envelopes, but not to seal them so (I assume) the "too busy" bride-to-be could sign her name.
As I foolishly followed these ridiculous instructions, I was tempted to thank myself for the 30-minute drive I had made in each direction to purchase a gift, and the 45-minute drive I made to attend the shower.
How stupid are we going to feel when the "thank-yous," in our own handwriting, show up in the mail? My son says I should refuse the letter.
And do you want to know the "topper"? I asked the bride-to-be before leaving when her wedding was. Get this -- it's in two days. I am not even invited to the wedding!
What's wrong with this generation? Please shed some light on this. Thanks, Abby. I feel better now that I've vented -- stupid, but better. -- FEELING USED IN KANSAS
DEAR FEELING USED: Nothing is wrong with "this generation." What you have described is a family that never learned basic good manners. Rather than an "afghan" -- or whatever your gift was -- the bride-to-be would have been better served to have received a book on etiquette.
Save the Save the Dates?
A reader wrote in to let us know she had received a save the date for a friend’s child’s first birthday party in the mail. It was a photo save the date with a picture of the baby, the date of the party (just under 3 months away), and that was it – no details on location, etc.
She is wondering….does a child’s first birthday really warrant a formal save the date, or should those be saved for occasions more like weddings? How “important” must an event be to be worthy of receiving a save the date in your mailbox?
flj
She is wondering….does a child’s first birthday really warrant a formal save the date, or should those be saved for occasions more like weddings? How “important” must an event be to be worthy of receiving a save the date in your mailbox?
flj
Dogs have Manners, too
We have a love of etiquette books, and apparently they aren’t just for humans anymore!Charlotte Reed’s Miss Fido Manners Complete Book of Dog Etiquette: The Definitive Guide to Manners for Pets and Their People addresses a multitude of issues relating to both canine and human behavior. From the most basic issues of grooming and dealing with guests in your pet-friendly home, to the more in-depth chapters of “Best Practices on the Dog Run” and “Dogs, Custody, and Divorce,” just about everything is covered, most of the time with an over the top, tounge-in-cheek approach.
What a cute gift for the new-dog owner and seasoned pet veteran alike!
flj
Thank You Very Much!
I usually try to adhere to the “within three days of receipt of gift” rule for thank-you note writing, however during the holidays I admittedly sometimes fall behind a bit. This season, I have received some super-cute thank you notes, including two from one of my favorite letterpress sites: elum designs. They have a great selection of classicly modern designs, and are reasonable priced. Some of my favorites are below (including two that came in the mail last week).
Wedding Wednesday: Fork, Anyone?
So, I was at a wedding in Richmond, VA this past weekend. Following is an interesting situation I encountered…
At the reception, when it came time to cut the cake, I happened to be standing next to the wedding coordinator. The happy couple cut the traditional slice of cake, put it on a small plate, and then paused while they looked at it for a moment, presumably pondering if they were to serve it to each other with their fingers. I nonchalantly turned to the wedding coordinator and said quietly “Do you have forks for them to use?” She looked at me a frankly said rather loudly “You don’t use forks for this, you use your fingers.” Not being able to help myself, as usual, I said “Oh, when I got married (5 months ago), we used forks.” Without skipping a beat, she responded with “Well, I have never seen anyone use a utensil to feed each other cake, but it MUST be a Southern thing. Where in the world did you get married?” Again, I couldn’t help myself and let her know that I, in fact, also got married in Virginia (apparently in the part where it is okay to use utensils). She just looked at me and walked away. My friends and I just couldn’t help ourselves and dissolved into silent giggles – apparently in her world, Southerners don’t use forks.
Too funny.
flj
More Stationery
One interesting thing about my current job is that I come into contact with some very nice vendors in the New York area. Although I can't afford their services any time soon, it is nice to know about them. One such person is Bernard Maisner. He is a premier calligrapher, and his work is really beautiful. His handpainted notecards run about $12.50 each and can be purchased at Bergdorf Goodman, online and at a few select stores around the country. Other items include menu, thank you, and place cards, as well as personal stationery. Above is a picture of his engraved "Diamond Ring" cards. At $7 each, it might take an engagement to justify the price, but you are bound to feel special when you send announcements on these engraved cards.
Men's Stationery
I was recently asked to give advice regarding men's stationery choices. I had never really thought about this, but I guess as men get older they really do need to write nice notes sometimes. (Really they should do this when they are younger, but those types of manners seem to fall apart in the fraternity years.) And, when they reach that point of realization, they seem to be pretty clueless about where to start. While looking at the Crane & Co. website, I found these favorites (click on picture for a direct link). For all of our male readers, I promise that the following are respectable, manly choices that won't make you look like you know TOO much about these sorts of things : ) - LG
The basic border stripe (in any color) is always a good choice:
The basic border stripe (in any color) is always a good choice:
From the desk of...
(My favorite) A very snazzy pinstripe:
Gift Idea
I recently found a wine store on the Upper West Side of Manhattan called Acker, Merrall & Condit. They have a really fantastic service called the Wine of the Month Club. Every month they pick a notable wine and deliver it to all members of the Club. People can buy 6 or 12 month memberships. Now, I'm sure you are thinking this is great for people who live in New York, but what about anyone else? Well, delivery is free in Manhattan, but available anywhere else in the country for a fee. So as far as I am concerned, this is the perfect gift that keeps on giving. - LG
*** Sorry for the brief/non-existent posts, by the way. Things are just crazy with the summer months. Farrell will be out for the first half of this week, and I'll be out the first half of next week. However, we will try to be back to a normal schedule soon!
*** Sorry for the brief/non-existent posts, by the way. Things are just crazy with the summer months. Farrell will be out for the first half of this week, and I'll be out the first half of next week. However, we will try to be back to a normal schedule soon!
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